Its almost a year now since we were connected from each other. I should be over you by now. But how can that be? When we still haven't closed the door we never opened.
My mind is still fresh looking back the days when we first met, our first conversations, our pa-cute with each other. I was excited everyday to to see you coming to our workplace. I strived to be fast so that I could get you as my client and process your transaction but everytime I don't get the timing, my day becomes disappointing. Every transaction with you was like a second. I can still remember how we caught each others eyes when we look at each other secretly. I will never forget our denials to them how we like each other. When we had our chance to exchange text messages and Facebook chats, I get so excited to check my phone every now and then and wish it was you even if we always ran out of topic. I miss the moment of our first date and laugh at those times when you told me how nervous you were the first time you asked me out. You told me you like me and you wanted to become "us" someday. You called me "mine". But I remain silent because deep inside I want you to tell me those words while looking in your eyes even if deep inside, I wanna tell you how I like you.
I don't understand what took you so long to make a move when Im giving you the hint that I like you. If I never like you I wouldn't give the attention I gave you. I wouldn't give you a reply, go with you after work or invite you to our church. Yes, you told me you like me but you never said you love me. With that, I had doubts with you which I know you were aware and I was afraid that time would come and you would realize that don't love me after all, leave me and all your words would become nothing.
And I wasn't mistaken. Because after few months of our daily communication, everything was getting lie low. I just woke up one day that the person I expected to become my man was gone leaving no woords. I waited almost every minute everyday for my phone to beep. My mind was floating almost everyday dreaming you would come back, surprise me and do your promises. There was never a day that I checked you in Facebook to know how are you, if you have new status, pictures or even read my last message to you. But times have passed and I realized that I wasted my days waiting for nothing.
Now I conclude that I am not a part of your plans. I am not a part of your priority. I know I don't have a right to demand you to tell me everything about you because there was never an us. There was never a door opened for us. But what about those words you told me that you want to be us? Was it nothing to you? Was everything a game for the two of us?
I don't know who to blame for the hurt I am feeling, is it you who gave me false hope or is it me who believe in your false hope? I tried to get over you but I find it very hard. I couldn't even delete you in Facebook because its the only way I can hold on to you.
My only wish is that you tell me why you have to leave. Were you bored at me? Was I too hard for you? Because if I had a chance to turn back time, I would try to become the woman you always wanted to love. Even it costs my feeling, I would be willing to hear the reason why you went away. I would rather choose to discover that you have someone new than left me hanging and hoping for nothing. But this is the reality. I don't know nothing about you,not even a shadow of yours and it breaks me even more.
Just like love, we never know when heartbreak starts and when heartbreak stops. It feels so sad to know that you have invested emotions to someone who won't become yours. We give time, effort, excitement, tears. Because for me, love is an investment which you have to keep on growing. As I keep on looking at the calendar and our last conversation, hope this is enough reason to awake me that you are not coming back. :'(
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