His Silence Means We're Done

We both know we were shaky. We both tried to save our relationship. We tried to make excuses just to avoid intense arguments. But we already know from the start that we would really come to an end.

I just wanna save the friendship we had even if we could not save our relationship. But now I realize that good or peaceful break up does not really exist. The friendship I was dreaming turned to be a nightmare that everytime I talk with you or about you, it gives me an extreme heartache.

Now you are avoiding me. You have done it slowly but its obvious. No more seeing each other, no more texts and more chats. You left me hanging again just like you usually do. Maybe you don't want to initiate break up. I don't initiate too. Now you are silent and your silence means goodbye. I understand that you chose the other girl because there is something or should I say someone that binds with the two of you. I understand that she can give you some of your needs that I cannot give. As long as your happy with her then I will set you free. But please don't forget how much I love you. The pain you both two are giving me will always leave a mark in my heart.

Your silence means we are done.

My last letter for My Loves

        I loved you. I loved you wholeheartedly; Even though loving you was wrong. Even though everyone was against us. Even though I witnessed all your flaws.

        The first time I gave you my "yes", everything was like perfect. You promised me that you'd make me happy and never hurt me. You promised me that you'd love me forever and never leave me. You promised me good future. Because I love you so much, I believed everything you said and live with your words. And because I was fed by your sweet words and warm touches, I didn't mind the flaws I see in you. Because for me, the love we had is much important above everything else.

       I find myself lucky because you were at my side all the time. You always fetch me at work even if we were 29 km away. You always visit me at home though I know you lack sleep because of your work. You are not the same with other guys who gave false hope to their girlfriends by doing pakitang gilas by giving flowers, chocolates and teddy bears during monthsary, Valentines day and anniversary. You are the kind of guy who would give the thing that money cant buy, your time. You showed me how you cant live without seeing me in a day. You showed me how you struggle everytime we fight. You showed me how your day become incomplete without texting me.

      You told me your mistakes in your past. It was a big challenge for me  to accept it. That mistake was not simple because it may affect our future life. Still, I never gave up and tried to be strong even it hurt me a lot. It really hurt me a lot. I defended you. I fought for our love. Yes, everyone warned me, but I did not listen to them and I listen to my heart instead.

       Our first Valentines day together, I wanted it to be perfect. But you showed up late and we ended up arguing and not celebrate the special occasion. So as our first anniversary. Friends asked me how we spent those occasions, I pretended everything was perfect and told stories that were only in my dreams.

      I suffered the pain. I just told myself that our love is greater above everything. But I cant believe that in just a blink of an eye, I lose you. You are not the same person anymore. Because I woke up one day and found out that the one I love the most is a BIG LIAR!The one I love also love other woman. The one who made me feel special has another woman.

      I reread your beautiful text messages making me  all the time. I scanned our sweet photos together.  Those were so sweet that no one can think you would "two timed" us. I love you my loves but I also love myself. And I dont want to this to happen again.

      This maybe my first break up but I know time will heal. It may not be easy waking up each day without your greetings, without you asking hows my day but surely I will get use to it. I may cry a lot right now but I know this wont be forever. Now Im saying goodbye because I am losing my loves, the one I call "Mahal Ko".

Torta Og Uban Pa

      Christmas celebration is almost over and New Year is about to come. Before the year 2015 ends, I discovered this delicious cake bars from the Province of Catmon Cebu. Thanks for the Christmas gift from the Rural Bank of Catmon that made us officemates discovered this delicious delicacy. And because of  that box, I bought another box for my Achi's birthday.
     A box is composed of 15 assorted cake bars like carrot cake, chocolate cake with mallows, marble brownie etc.  It is sold for Php180 per box which is sooo affordable.
      Surprisingly, our Pastor told me that he had been in the shop and not only the cake bars are good but also the torta, coffee and other Filipino delicacies.
      Im looking forward to visit the shop and try other products. Happy New Year!

my break up playlists

      We all experienced hearts broken. Whether it is a small fight or a huge break up, we Pinoys would love to listen to the songs which tell the story of our hearts.
       I just want to share my five paulit-ulit break up playlists everytime I feel my heart is being crumpled.

1.) Someones Always Saying Goodbye by ALONA

            Feeling in love is temporary because everyone is leaving. In this song, I came to wonder how love play our feelings. They come, they go. They don't realize how difficult to move on. Everytime I listen to this song, I feel that I was created to become an island where special people do come and go.

 Favorite line: 

" Why do people fall in love and they end up crying...Why does gladness becomes sadness, things that I don't get. Someones always saying goodbye I believe it hurts when we cry.  Dont we know parting's never so easy."

Listen to the song:

2.) Heaven Know by RICK PRICE

               I remember my first love in this song. First heart beat, first heart ache. I am deeply amazed how each word of the song describes my feelings for this guy. Everytime I listen to the song, I dont only remember my first. I also feel every word of this song for my present and I cant help but hope and cry. I feel that Rick Price sang this for my guys, nyakz!

Favorite line: 

"He's always on my mind, From the time I wake up 'till I close my eyes, He's everywhere I go, He's all I know. Though he's so far away, It just keeps getting stronger everyday.. All the time I act so brave Im shakin inside, Why does it hurt me so?"

Listen to the song:

3.) Waiting For Your Love by STEVIE B

                  Waiting is never been easy. Waiting causes much pain than being rejected straight. You don't know if he's coming or not. You cant move on because there's no sign even a drop of a hint. The struggle in waiting is indescribable just like in the line "How can I explain, the sorrow and my pain?"...

Favorite Line:

"But now you're gone, gone away. All I do is pray for you each and everyday. I'm waiting for your love. I'm wondering where you are. Are with another girl? Are you showing her your world?"

Listen to the song:

4.) Bakit Nga ba Mahal Kita? by ROSELLE NAVA

               Oh! Love can't really give you answers. Love has full of "whys". In this song, it says how love can do everything. You may be hurt. You may act like a fool but you cant help but love, love and love the person. You are willing to do everything, as in every thing because of your love. In the midst of heartbreak, you hear no complains or confrontations but tears.

Favorite Line: 

"Bakit nga ba mahal Kita? Kahit di pinapansin ang damdamin ko.  Di mo man ako mahal heto pa rin ako nagmamahal ng tapat sayo..."

Listen to the song:

5.) I Miss You by BOYS2MEN

What do you do after you realize that the thing you used to have is already gone? How do you react if you cannot do the things you usually do? I guess just like this song, you keep on reminiscing, hallucinating, and praying that those things will be back again.

Favorite Line: 

"Thought I heard your voice yesterday, Then I turned around to say

That I love you then I realized, That it was just my mind playing tricks on me.

And it seems colder lately at night, And I try to sleep with the lights on

Every time the phone rings I pray to God it's you, And I just can't believe that we're through

I miss you...."

Listen to the song:

What it is like to have a first boyfriend

       

       Hands sweat coldly. Heart pounds loudly. Eyes are sparkling. Feelings are undescribable when we are with person we call our boyfriend.

        It seems like yesterday when we kept on wishing to have one. It feels so envious when everyone has their own dates everytime we go out alone. Thay have the one who hold their hands, arms around each others' shoulders, and laugh with ; while here we are, showing to be happy all by ourselves. Yes, we are happy singles but of course we cannot deny to ourselves how we are happier if we have someone that is ours.

        We have heard enough stories from our friends how their love stories start, run down, survive and the worst, surrendered. We have watched movies and read pocketbooks and novels how love is not easy. And when we are finally get there, its a love story far beyond we heard, watched and read.

        Its scary to enter a relationship for the first time. Scary for the fact that we dont know to be a girlfriend. From being NBSB, we begun to ask ourselves; "Can I fulfill this new role correctly?", "How can I make him happier in this relationship?". Entering a relationship is a risk. If we dont go for it, we will never experience the ups and downs of love. For love can be confusing, complicated and heart breaking but love can also be sweet, wonderful and magical. I believe, we deserve to take the risk and experience all these.

         The world starts to revolve differently. We dont go alone anymore when we hang out.Someone is now interested how was our day. We have now another reason why we wake up everyday.

       Every moment together is always cherished and remembered. From the moment we said our sweetest yes, the first holding hands, the first hug and the feeling of awkard because he felt the fast beating of our heart, the first kiss and those moments we avoid it because we were too nervous to do it, the first date and etc. His text messages, comments and chats are read several times and find it hard to delete. His gifts and surprises are well-kept. Every word said are stamped in mind and heart. Pictures together are checked befor going to sleep. And we can't avoid getting excited how we would celebrate our first month with him, first Christmas, first Valentine's Day and anniversaries. We cant avoid comparing our love story from our friends' because we want it to be as sweet as theirs.

          We find ourselves smiling for no reasons. Who would not? He is the first thing that comes in our mind when we wake up and the last at night. And it feels like we see him wherever we go. Everyone starts telling us that our eyes are full of hearts. We start to pray that this kind of heart burning moments will last.

          But love is not always rainbows and butterflies. There are times that we are afraid that simple reactions and action may start an argument or worst, end. We tell ourselves not to get angry or jealous. But no matter what reasons we tell ourselves not to be, we can't avoid it beacuse we are afraid to lose him. We blame ourselves by the things we missed to do and the things we did. We blame ourselves because of being inexperienced. But that must not be because there is no perfect in relationship. We make mistakes. He make mistakes. Sooner or later we realized the one we fall in love with, is far from our ideal. But this is the challenge for every woman and man inlove. Its not easy to accept one's weakness. But if we truly love one person, we dont only accept his/her weakness but we must love it too. For love is not always when we are in our best but also at worst. These mistakes must not break the both. It must be the instrument that will help the relationship stronger.

           We find oursleves hurt by simple arguments. This is the time we cry a lot. But I guess this is normal in a relationship because if we dont get hurt, we dont love.

            But after all the rocky roads we experienced in a ralationship, in the end, they are our partner. Not only our boyfriend but also bestfriend and a part of the family someday. No matter what down moments we had with him, as the song says, "I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself".

         The first may not be easy but lets not forget that we have ourselves to take care, too. If don't take care and love ourselve, how can we love other person? 

         Our first may not be our last but the important is we learn how to love and be loved. :)

Manila Ocean Park Experience

Last week, I was lucky enough to visit Manila Ocean Park. Though me and my friends didnt have any idea how to get to the place, from Greenbelt, we took a taxi and paid less than 200php to arrive there safely.

Before planning to go there, I have been dying to visit the said place. I was curious how fun and enjoying inside. Then I said to myself that once I step into the place I would try every attractions, encounters and amenities. But since going there was unexpected and we only had a limited time, we tried the least-priced package yet five encounters and attractions to enjoy.

we are lucky enough to avail Dec-Feb promo

To begin the excitement, we first entered Oceanarium but before entering, the staff of Manila Ocean Park will take everyone who enter a picture which will be claimed after a few minutes.

Going inside the oceanarium

As we went into the dim room, we found these aquariums...

....until we entered the most popular part

After Oceanarium, we then headed to the cute exhibit of jellies. 

life cycle of jellyfish

As we end our exploration in the world of jellies, we then experienced the Sharks and Rays Dry Encounter. We had a chance to touch those unknown fishes. But sorry for us, we were no allowed to take a picture for this part :(.

Next thing we did was to witnessed Sea Lion Show. My friends were excited to see it and. Me, since I experienced watching seal show in Safari World, Thailand I was not that excited like them. Though it was enjoying to watch, my amazement of the show was not the same as in Safari World. 

 For our finale, this was the most exciting part. We were curious what evening Symphony show will be like. We were curious how the four elements; fire, water, air and light would entertain us. So as the  the show started until the least part, our mouth was consistent of"woooww"s!!! How light, water, fire and air was synchronized by the music was soooo mesmerizing.

few pictures of the Symphony show experience

To see a part of the show, please follow me on ig @miniegurl . Happy Blogging!

To the guy who gave me false hope

          Its almost a year now since we were connected from each other. I should be over you by now. But how can that be? When we still haven't closed the door we never opened.

          My mind is still fresh looking back the days when we first met, our first conversations, our pa-cute  with each other. I was excited everyday to to see you coming to our workplace. I strived to be fast so that I could get you as my client and process your transaction but everytime I don't get the timing, my day becomes disappointing. Every transaction with you was like a second. I can still remember how we caught each others eyes when we look at each other secretly. I will never forget our denials to them how we like each other. When we had our chance to exchange text messages and Facebook chats, I get so excited to check my phone every now and then and wish it was you even if we always ran out of topic. I miss the moment of our first date and laugh at those times when you told me how nervous you were the first time you asked me out. You told me you like me and you wanted to become "us" someday. You called me "mine". But I remain silent because deep inside I want you to tell me those words while looking in your eyes even if deep inside, I wanna tell you how I like you.

           I don't understand what took you so long to make a move when Im giving you the hint that I like you. If I never like you I wouldn't give the attention I gave you. I wouldn't give you a reply, go with you after work or invite you to our church. Yes, you told me you like me but you never said you love me. With that, I had doubts with you which I know you were aware and I was afraid that time would come and you would realize that don't love me after all, leave me and all your words would become nothing. 

          And I wasn't mistaken. Because after few months of our daily communication, everything was getting lie low. I just woke up one day that the person I expected to become my man was gone leaving no woords. I waited almost every minute everyday for my phone to beep. My mind was floating almost everyday dreaming you would come back, surprise me and do your promises. There was never a day that I checked you in Facebook to know how are you, if you have new status, pictures or even read my last message to you. But times have passed and I realized that I wasted my days waiting for nothing.

          Now I conclude that I am not a part of your plans. I am not a part of your priority. I know I don't have a right to demand you to tell me everything about you because there was never an us. There was never a door opened for us. But what about those words you told me that you want to be us? Was it nothing to you? Was everything a game for the two of us?

          I don't know who to blame for the hurt I am feeling, is it you who gave me false hope or is it me who believe in your false hope? I tried to get over you but I find it very hard. I couldn't even delete you in Facebook because its the only way I can hold on to you.

           My only wish is that you tell me why you have to leave. Were you bored at me? Was I too hard for you? Because if I had a chance to turn back time, I would try to become the woman you always wanted to love. Even it costs my feeling, I would be willing to hear the reason why you went away. I would rather choose to discover that you have someone new than left me hanging and hoping for nothing. But this is the reality. I don't know nothing about you,not even a shadow of yours and it breaks me even more.

         Just like love, we never know when heartbreak starts and when heartbreak stops. It feels so sad to know that you have invested emotions to someone who won't become yours. We give time, effort, excitement, tears. Because for me, love is an investment which you have to keep on growing. As I keep on looking at the calendar and our last conversation, hope this is enough reason to awake me that you are not coming back. :'(